I’ve been to three hospitals in less than 24 hours.
My own maxillo fax appointment at L and D. That’s my monthly jaw wiring teeth screaming appointment. Nice Mr MAXFAX operates like a conveyer belt. As one passenger, sorry, I mean patient gets finished the next is lined up in the adjoining cubicle. He shouts instructions and next appointments over the curtain as he peers into the mouth of the prone patient next on his list.


That done I eventually got home at 9pm. The road closures and M1 traffic don’t seem to feature on the effing Musk version of bloody SatNav.
Up at crack of dawn to get to my parents today. It’s easy when the sun is shining. Mum’s follow up appointment, following the curious incident-of the-operation-that-didn’t-take-place. Mr Urology surgeon was late. We know the staff so well we entertained the waiting room with stories of Rottweiler receptionists. Mum is too scared to book in at the correct desk as she’s been attacked in the past!

I showed everyone the TikTok clip of GP reception. Unbelievably hilarious parody of ‘you are caller number 23…’ I’ll try and get it on here.

Mr Urology was quick to apologise /explain /discuss /suggest and indeed seek an Oxford second opinion. FFS. Why has it taken this long and what is the point? He’s even suggesting biopsy chemo and possibly further surgical options. Fortunately mum is realistic about her chances and took not a lot of notice. We ended up laughing with him as he explained how scared he was when he himself ended up with an MRI. He was and I quote so ‘sh**’ scared he was about to hit the panic button. Mum just sort of laughed and said. ‘ Well I just slept thru mine ‘!

I got her home to Dad who had unpacked Tesco delivery as best he could. I tried to get the ice cream out of the sun and into the freezer. Got a few things sorted for them and legged it.

I had a pre- assessment appointment in London. This is the Dipstick initiated procedure which I do not actually know about and which apparently relates to 2019. It also apparently needs an MRI because the last one was done on the wrong bit of me. Anyhow trying to be compliant, I got to the unmanned desk as directed only to find other patients wandering about clutching urine pots. As if by magic a door opened and scared the life out of us all – a nurse called my name or at least something similar. As I don’t know what I am
being pre assessed for I am annoyed about tedious stupid questions like ‘have you been admitted to hospital since we last saw you?’ My tetchy reply was: you asked me all this last Friday. ECG. Blood
Pressure. Etc etc. Urine.
The pots of which all go into some receptacle behind a door which presumably get to a dipstick and binned because the pots have sat sweating for so long.
God knows how long the urine sits there gathering bugs. Arghhh.

Then it was leg it back to St Pancras and home.

. When you think you feel like the world is going bonkers remember the best bits. Just do what instinct dictates. Be positive. Be strong . But cry if you want to. the late Tina Turner would say: You’re simply the best. believe that and all will be well.