I’ve had weird dreams this week. Must be the after effects of last week’s Massive Migraines (MM).
Last night was no exception.
I dreamt I went to be ‘reprogrammed’ in London. On my way met an Irish engineer who has invented running shorts which support pelvic floors for ladies. I dreamt I wore them to pilates and managed to do the splits ( sort of) in them, which went on twitter.

I also dreamt I took my mother to see Hairy Mary, who was in this hospital too. Hairy Mary has had a brain haemorrhage, but was strangely happy, lovely ,madly the same as the Foreign Office bundle of laughs she always was. Just rather confused and exaggerated. The ward she was on, the very same one I lay in for the spinal implant. See Bionic Baron about the lady with her brain flap open! Mum wondered how I knew my way around!

Mixed up in all this was a trip to the theatre to see Book of Mormon. In laughing so much at such non-politically correct ridiculous parody of life in Uganda for missionaries, I panicked that  the suprapubic was leaking again. In fact the warm cosy damp feeling was my mobile phone overheating with L’s fruit gums stuck to it.

So what else did I dream?

I dreamt I went back to this hospital for a third time and found to my considerable delight the wifi recognised me straight away as a frequent visitor. That Jerome was there and calmed my nerves about leaking catheters by explaining the Bladder Buddy technique…bin bag over the head ( see link to you tube)

But that made me laugh so much (again) I had to check for leaks and grab my empty water bottle to fill just in case. Later, over a glass of fizz…our neighbour’s daughters regale me with stories of music festivals and ‘she-wees’ to avoid the horrible toilets.
Mixed up in all of this nonsense I bumped into E and R on the train home. E wondered if I would be a volunteer for her brides fair event. ‘Me?’ I yelled incredulously for all the train to hear. ‘Well’, she said ‘we are doing alternative wedding ideas, gay, transgender, older ladies, wider ladies….’ ohhhhhh of course…not sure which category she had in mind.
‘How about I demonstrate wedding dresses for ladies with catheters’ I said. ‘Bladder-buddy and she-wee at the ready’. We howled with laughter to the dismay of the very important looking busy commuters tapping away on their laptops. One of whom, started praying, next to me….for emergency deployment of his invisibility cloak or for my soul? Lost cause.

Then, just to add to the madness I find myself guiding my H to a bridal wear shop. I’m on a train (again). H is in her home town. I get her to stop for a drink on the way using my google app map dodar. She gets to try on the dresses I have already rung ahead to be organised. She sends me photos. I choose. She agrees. I pay. She smiles. That trainload of passengers grin at this bizarre exchange. Not least her giggle ‘ well if I can’t find something I like I will just go naked!’
There is only one thing more I can add: None of this is actually a dream. It all actually happened this week.

Bladder Buddy