Breathing, Bureaucracy, and the Empty X‑Ray Suite: this week in NHS-land

Some songs stick with you like an ear worm . a Leona Lewis track that was never meant to be festive, yet somehow became the unofficial soundtrack to my hospital stay. One nurse took it upon herself to belt it out with the lyrics swapped for “breathing.” Honestly, it shouldn’t have worked—but it did.

The GP Encounter

Fast‑forward to this week. I found myself in front of an actual GP—an increasingly rare species in the wild. He opened with:

“So… what’s this appointment for?”

I blinked.
“I don’t know. You called me.”

Cue several minutes of intense screen‑staring, the kind where you can practically hear the Microsoft hamster running rounde. Eventually, he announced that the respiratory pathway required bloods, X‑rays, and more pathways. Very meta.

Bloods came back abnormal. Of course they did. So now we’re onto the bonus round: extra tests, extra tubes, extra everything.

The X‑Ray Saga: A Comedy of Errors

Remember when X‑rays were simple? Pop in, zap, done. Well, not anymore.

The GP casually mentioned his frustration that the shiny, multi‑million‑pound new X‑ray suite at the North Wing is… empty. As in: built, polished, ready, but lacking one tiny detail.

Radiologists.

No radiologists.
No X‑rays.
No functioning old system either.

Just a big, expensive room full of nothing.
No shit, Sherlock.

Meanwhile, in UTI Land…

I asked if I could get an MSU done, since the private route with Jerome has apparently fallen into an administrative black hole. New secretary? New system? New moon phase? Who knows.

The GP perked up.
“Are you susceptible to UTIs?”

I didn’t couldn’t wouldn’t even respond . I just scowled. Not that it mattered—he was glued to his screen like it held the secrets of the universe.

Other Fun Medical Plot Twists

• Jaw repairs today. Because why not add dentistry to the mix.
• London Nephrology is apparently calling me Monday. Surely that’s a mistake.
• London Urology? Silent.
• MDT? Nope.
• Follow‑up? Nope.
• MRI report? Of course not. Why would that exist.

And Breathe…

So yes, the respiratory pathway continues.
Bloods, tests, empty X‑ray suites, and the eternal NHS treasure hunt for the right department.

Just keep breathing.
Keep breathing.
Keep… keep…