In my teacher days we had a million central government directives…amongst the plethora of ever more ridiculous requests was the suggestion that red pens upset the students. We were meant to record verbal feedback Use green red blue bollocks rainbow marking.

Our desk drawers were cluttered with rubber stamps saying “peer assessment”, “verbal feedback” and “target met”, as in requisite paper trail demanded by school leaders.

It had / has absolutely nothing to do with the student’s learning – it’s about the monitoring of teachers. It’s a pointless idea which causes stress to the teachers and buggers up student learning. How this relates to NHS is …

Whilst we are told NHS App is worth all the millions the government has spent on it. The data it chucks up is actually dangerously confusing. My 88 year old parents are getting text messages about appointments they know nothing about. Quite apart from the fact that they are both too ill to attend. In an attempt to calm the anxiety I hacked into their NHS apps. Absolutely no information there at all apart from repeat prescriptions. Hopeless. It seems the postcode lottery applies here. Some do some don’t.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/nhs-app/

Meanwhile I’ve had a text telling me I have asthma clinic at BARTs on Monday and Tuesday. No idea with whom what time or which clinic. I risk being expelled by not attending incurring the penalty of a DNA on my record. But their portal stupid system called ‘ patients know best’ has absolutely nothing on it but cut and pasted generic letters telling me they are delighted to treat me. Fff My wheezy lungs and coughing spluttering cough screaming lungs could do with an appointment but I have no bloody idea where who when. There is no one to ring ask support.

Jerome however is helping me sort out latest UTI. GP only does dips. Dipsticks urine tests should be banned. They do not do anything GP then sends three days of nitro. THREE days. What the hell ?. I hatched some urine. I despatched to the private lab. And …the inimitable Jerome has explained the lab results….

So hot of the hatched and dispatched there’s no data at all yet !
But a lot of red (like teacher red pen, usually not a good sign…)
It’s a bit like the Peter Cook Dudley Moore Tarzan interview… your left leg I like etc. For you it’s the pH that we’re reliably able to appreciate. And your lack of ketones and casts- well, the absence of these is champions material. We have no problem with those etc.
Problem is, these aren’t the problem.
So I’ll keep my eyes out, hope this raised a smile,

Now we await the details for some antibiotic advice.
Am I bovvered?

My Dad has pneumonia and somehow I persuaded his surgery to see him. 500 calls to Rottweiler receptionists resulted in ‘rapid response’ team being despatched. I think we used to call them District Nurses. They were and are awesome. Looking after him all weekend bloods catheter change antibiotics antihistamines etc etc Absolutely wonderful and kept him out of hospital so far. GP requested a photo of inflammation. My mum duly sent one with carer help, of my Dad’s rear. Copied to me. GP number 3 rang told her not to send ‘sensitive’ photos. She had thought sensitive was in reference to GCHQ code type sensitivity not photos of saggy bum with red rash. I cannot actually blame her.