Crazy week. GP visited my Dad at home. Unheard of. A real life GP in the home. Wow. I had requested antibiotic cover for catheter change and fungal cream. Lo and behold a GP turned up inspected Dad. Told mum he needed to sit on a towel with nothing on below the waist. Mum was worried it might upset the weekly bridge meeting! The GP did however dispense various lotions and potions which for some reason mum thought was for malaria. Things got a little more confusing next day when Dad got the lotions mixed up and used toothpaste for the itch. Ah well.

Next day I was in Chiswick to see my awesome CJ. She was awaiting biopsy results and in an attempt to distract we explored Chiswick and swore a lot. This compares to the last time she was in this situation. The day of the results we tramped round London with her swearing like a trooper and me jogging to keep up. Spotting a handy champagne bar I steered her in and the poor waiter had to endure us our language and our angst ! CJ said it was helpful?!

Next up was back to Dad. District Nurses were due. I’ve been ringing them to say he needs a catheter change. As a non -clinician-expert -in catheters I explained the situation and using my lexicon of jargon I managed to discreetly get them to understand UTI TWOC

silicone latex valve day leg night blah blah without upsetting my parents. Carefully avoiding the malaria word! The nurses were absolutely brilliant. Hurrah

Thursday set alarm for 5. Dunno why. As I was waking up so much brain whirling. Got an early train in order to see Dipstick. Appointment 8:00 am. Surely he’d be on time for that. Surely no other patient could have delayed him. I’d even asked the secretary if he could possibly please have his MDT MRI and kuB scan to hand. She’d assured me he would. Those are of course in his NHSland. They are not scheduled to be imparted to me for a year. Was I worried? You bet I was. I’d been invited to pay £210 to see him privately to get the results.

He was on time. He was in a good mood. He was empathetic. Thorough. Suggested I take photos of the reports. He had some ideas. We both agreed surgery not an option. He explained why the ureteric stump maybe a source of infection. But if he blocks it an abcess would erupt and seriously affect everything. He talked about washouts. CRP, I’m always low. Which lit my light bulb. How come I said my CRP is always low and my eosinophils have caused issues for the Awkard -patients -at -BARTs -severe -asthma -clinic. Usually eosinophils are high for asthmatics. Mine are … low.

No idea what an eosinophil was will be or is. Also find myself apologising for being low CRP. Low eosinophils. Sorry sorry. I’m sorry. Inadequate bladder. Poor bladder emptying. My clinic letters are like a school report. Scolding ‘could do better’ ! Dipstick was quite animated about eosinophils. I should point out that Jerome talked about this years ago.. I can’t now remember the thought process behind it except that my CRP is always low. Which I always thought was my fault.

. He also liked my idea indeed volunteered to star, in my ITV docu series …Mrs E vs NHS I bet he charges £210 a minute for that.

Finally …meanwhile…Got back from parents. Daniel was out. Phew. It was dark phew. I realised needed a pee. Got home phew. But before I got out of car … you know the rest .. bladder emptying couldn’t stop it. Drivers’ seat, floor, everywhere. Even my extra large just in case tena couldn’t hold it. I cleaned up. Showered up. Washed out the car. Every thing. I loaded up the car for a trip down to the South West today. It really smelt stinky. Daniel still getting packed. I googled ‘urine on carpet’. Recipe. Vinegar and washing up liquid. Yippee. Waitrose wine vinegar and fairy liquid. Sprayed liberally. Left it. Went back. Wiped around. All dry. Now driving . Car smells of fish and chips but only I seem to smell it!! 🤫