I have no idea what day it is. What week or indeed year. I think I last wrote that Dad was still in hospital. Mum still struggling at home.

Well no change there. Except Dad got moved to another ward. I had trouble finding him. The ward had not thought to tell me nor any of the family that he had been moved. My heart truly stopped when I found his bed empty and remade. Memories of other relatives in the past. However, in the end they explained and told me and again no doctor was available to speak to me. Maybe there are no doctors there! Having been in short stay Ward 2 ( signposted Children’s Ward) he’s now in discharge ward signposted Women’s Health Hub. Obviously. ie medically fit for discharge as of 3rd October. Awaiting social services to sort homecare package.

Such is the way of things as he lives in Northamptonshire but he is in Milton Keynes hospital , discharge into community care has been delayed. Nay obstructed. It’s a long tedious and frustraing story but I’ve finally cracked- no, I mean , cracked county lines. Out of area discharge rules are SHIT. Northants is in special measures ie bankrupt. I think I’ve sorted it. Maybe. Meanwhile the staff, the frailty team, Doctor P and discharge co-ordinator on this ward are outstanding. All these patients are medically fit for discharge. But have to await, care homes, carers, transport and further safe passage home. Dr P himself is there every single day – his kindness, empathy and humour, to me ,is outstanding. But where is the joined up thinking? Where are social services. This whole ward is blocking beds. Discharge co-ordinator is so nice too. He used to be a publican. He says it like this: In pubs I listened to people’s problems and poured them a beer. Here, I listen to people’s problems and sort out their drugs and zimmers. It’s much the same!

Meanwhile I’ve got to know Dad’s fellow inmates. I’ve cut up indescribable food for them, moved luke -warm water within reach and even sang with them. One I have called Elvis , takes the lead. Susie will be pleased to know I have not taken my ukelele in yet! On account of the fact she is still in recovery from the last ‘concert’.

Just to add to the fun, Dad has stolen someone’s personal zimmer. Quite honestly I’m not sure who is getting more bonkers , him or me. I wheel -chaired mum in. She hadn’t really believed me about the women’s hub bit! They reminded each other of times in Tel Aviv for six -day war in 1967 and then they were in Egypt for the Yom Kippur war. Sadly so relevant this week due to the horror in Isreal. I remember, or have I been told ?of seeing the airport lights go out which signalled the start of war. The safe shelter we made under my bed for Dad. He who stayed behind whilst we all were repatriated to London. Strange dreadful times then, but none more so than what is happening now.

Meanwhile, not only but also, I’ve been to Barts for pneumonia check. X-ray. Lung function. I’m so useless at that. I’m like I am in Susie- pilates. A bit distracted. Can’t concentrate. Brain whirring. Bit giggly. Then Susie says go right … I go left. Susie says inhale then bend. I exhale, then … sink, avoid a fart, and hold my breath. In lung function they say exhale … I inhale. Blow out fast. I slowly breath in. Useless ! The receptionist in Clinic 1 is top Rottweiler school of reception. Rude , shouty and jobs-worth. Even a consultant got yelled at, her retort to him. in front of all the waiting patients was ‘ shout at me again and I will have to take it further’ oops!

Then Bedford hospital for pneumonia X-ray. Waste of time but I just couldn’t work out how to cancel it! As I checked in I found the skinny trousered Mick Jagger look-alike man again. He was attempting to get an x-ray. Lovely calm caring receptionist explained again and again that he needed to go to a gp. He wandered off in the end. Receptionist told me he comes every day, probably has no gp and they do not know what to do with him! Last time I encountered him he was in pharmacy requesting help which no one can provide.

Then London for Dipstick is this week. I have changed it to telephone I simply cannot go to London again. I have to pay £210 for the pleasure of him telling me what the NHS tests , MDT and scans reveal. I am sure I am supposed to be grateful. I am guessing from his point of view he simply has no NHS appointments. oh and my Barts next Biologic injection was scheduled for this week too but nice Consultant rang around on Monday to get it changed to save another trip. Phew. Side effects are crashing headaches. No time to worry about that.

UTI not budging with usual cocktail of fosfomycin and gent so I guess it’s resistant. I await Jerome’s help.

So. It’s manic. It’s county lines. NHS style.

I think I’ve been to 5 hospitals in as many days. Or two a day in some cases. More as it happens.