Unbelievably hot days and London was no exception. Scarcely a week since I had stoped antibiotics, infection had hit once more. In a good / bad way, the day I was to see Dr Micro. It needed little explanation from me. She took one look at me and started telling the software system ‘Eric‘ what she thought. Now don’t get me wrong she is fabulous. But they are all groomed to respond to Eric. It was some surprise that that she looked up to find me disappearing out of her door. Shivering and shaking I hit the loo as bladder and even bowel spasms went berserk. I returned to her consultation to find her still grappling Eric into submission.

She and Eric made plans. More pewky antibiotics. Well three actually. Pharmacy queried it. Eric was to blame. Unbearable journey home on delayed baking hot trains. I found a shop, at post apocalyptic St Pancras, selling water and glugged it all the way home. To no avail

I fell in our oversized paddling pool. Fully clothed!

Infection raged all that long night. But by Thursday, I tentatively emailed. She had promised the result. Ah yes. She replied. Good job you reminded me. You have an infection. #No shit Sherlock. Stay on max dose 3 antibiotics for 10:days. OMG I actually don’t think I can. Why the hell can’t they tell patients results.

Meanwhile I had a phone consultation today with Dipstick. I had needed an opinion on changing my bladder implant. SNS.

He seemed quite helpful, good advice and then declared his waiting list is 2years. He would do the battery and lead change all in one go not the two ops suggested by oxymorons. But he added. You could be a private patient and by paying £25,000 would be quicker. He was nice. But I was discombobulated by his easy going approach. he was surprised that his list of patients, his operations, he said, seemed on hold. must be ERIC he burbled. He also said he had to charge for his time. Yes Dip, I managed to say. You do. but you know what? I have not been paid for my time for so long .

Ah. He burbled.

There’s a pandemic on..I suggested .

Mmm yes. …he burbled…..

He appears to live in a parallel universe

After all the effort the hospital makes to do the tests you’d think ERIC could also send results to patients. After some polite enquiries I have begun to get access to letters on ERIC. They make no sense. Test results Ihave to prod the consultant for. It’s bonkers. I told Jerome. He replied magnificently

Me:Stupid ERIC system sent me this letter. Never met this person. What’s the point of doing tests but not sending results.

Jerome:The “dear no recipients” is a magnificent oxymoron…
Or just moronic….I don’t know who the writer person is either .

Allergy clinic? FFS. Already done. 

Change battery? Then leads? Too many operations. And . When ? Utterly ridiculous not to include Dr Micro.

Jerome: Basically a four page letter that says that the device with a flat battery needs a new battery.
Lucky they don’t work for NASA…