Well here we are 2020. It was I think Christmas when last I wrote. I had forgotten my Yorkshire Puds. I also forgot the pigs in blankets. Or are they devils on horseback? Anyway those shrivelled up willy things everyone seems to like.

Following Patsie’s bread recipe I got a bit ambitious and tried a baguette. The instructions were to leave the bread to prove under a shower cap. Not owning

such an extravagance I had to settle for a Tesco bag. Not convinced the French would approve of my methods I hoped Patsie’s suggestion of gin between proving would do the trick. Then it was New Year’s Eve I made all the beds again and sorted all the ceremonials once more. BFG was flying back from the Southern Hemisphere and how excited were we all to hear of his travels and adventures. He and I even blew up some fireworks to celebrate 2020 with scant regard to too much in the way of safety, no gloves, aprons, goggles or masks. As is customary the rest of the family taking shelter behind the dustbin lids.

We woke on New Year’s Day to find BFG in a sweaty streaming mess. Clearly hit by jet lag and some mystery virus.

By Saturday the rest of us were beginning to sneeze . Then Monday arrived … in a drama worthy of the Golden Globes.. Daughter 1 was admitted to hospital 38 weeks pregnant, fever and vomiting. Her son 2 year old O, meanwhile was downstairs in A and E with his Dad. Both of them with fever, nose bleeds and miserable. Their GP had despatched them there fast. Meanwhile , I too was admitted to hospital in London with fever, coughing, etc. …

London quickly tested for and proved I was positive for Influenza A a weird swine flu virus. They advised we tell Daughter and family too. Indeed by the end of the week all had tested positive. All were on antiviral meds as were the rest of the family. Pigs blankets gloves aprons and masks…Shit. Even my elderly parents were encouraged to take the prevention. They started coughing. More surprisingly, they agreed!

Unable to breath easily, pneumonia and Asthma hit with a vengeance too. I sort of got through the week on nebulisers, steroids , oxygen, antibiotics and anti virals. The consultants were great. The infection control measures meant everyone had to wear masks, gloves and aprons. Daughter 1 and I compared notes. We could only see the eyes not faces of our carers. Some merely stood at the door and threw things into the room! Others with a blatant disregard to the rules just carried on. My physio came in no mask, no apron, no gloves, he gave me some exercises to do which involved walking round the ward! #Spread-the-infection.

The night staff were amazing. One had some super duper mask of her own. It made her look like and sound like Darth Vader. I couldn’t hear a word she said, but we got on brilliantly. Day staff were dreadful. Arguing about whether I could have the oxygen prescribed, or the painkillers, or the iv antibiotics the consultants had recommended. The crappiest nurse, her name was Apple. Seriously?! I called her CrapApple. She tore off her mask and said she thought I was doing my own iv meds? #Bonkers. Ward Sister Delilah intervened. Took charge of my care and sorted the bonkersness out.

The catering staff just brought trays of food in and slid them over without gloves masks or aprons. I sincerely hope they antibacterialised before serving other lunches.

Jerome defied entreaties to keep safe and stay away. He appeared mask flopping , clutching two coffees, early one morning. He then proceeded to sip his under or through the mask. I laughed so much Darth Vader came rushing in to see what had happened. Covered in confusion she held the oxygen aloft somehow hoping to waft it my way. Jerome continued his mask filtered coffee drinking and kept insisting his new shirt and dry cleaned tie for the day were chosen to match the purple hospital mask!

An added bonus was the provision of travel size gels and potions in my bathroom. Guess what? Even a shower cap! Bakers serendipity!

By Saturday everyone was home again. Wider family on a the antiviral meds too and some semblance of normality in amongst the coughing and wheezing. The steady stream of pasta bakes which kept arriving on our doorstep meant no one went hungry. What hugely welcome acts of kindness.

Well there we are. breathing…pigs in blankets aprons masks and gloves…

PS we all did have our flu jabs this winter. So that was a helpful asa chocolate tea pot.

Oh that reminds me. I’m allergic to chocolate. Declared it on my menu thing. Every time tea or coffee came with chocolate biscuits. I tentatively asked if I could swap. Thereafter I got a cream cracker! Bonkers.