Having managed to get the spinal implant running again last week’s sorties into hospitals continued. By Friday, my spine was alot better but kidney was grumbling. In truth it had been all week but got muddled with the spine bits.

Tried to get the latest msu by phone and email but not managed anything but out-of-office replies.  I had not wanted to disturb Jerome all week, but I ended up buggering up his weekend. He found results. So speedily. Why the hell can no one else do that?

He then explained that ‘R’ next to every antibiotic on the results meant Resistant and perhaps an iv in hospital would be best course of action. Leaving a snoring D on the sofa , I  started to assemble a bag of overnight bits…ie implants, chargers, drugs and ipad! Slept badly and broke the news to poor D at 6 next morning.

Hospital nurses greeted me like a long lost friend . They have the NICE protocol in bucketloads. Nice Intelligence Care and Empathy. Made decisions fast. Jerome kept me up to speed by text ( how inclusive does that feel) and visits. Sunday he instructed a trip outside…rather than a jumping out of the window as I had suggested . So littlest son ( BFG) and I tripped out and pretended to buy out the Conran shop. All those groovy gadgets one could really not exist without. We tried to get a coffee in the Nature’s kitchen shop. I say tried because BFG only wanted tap water and spinach pie, I only wanted tap water and coffee. Water with a sprig of mint in it was £5.95.  The staff insisted we had to have salad and resisted our attempts to say no. We ended up with so much bloody natural rabbit food we popped it in a takeaway box .  Chickpeas a plenty. Farty reported  BFG. We gave the takeaway to D when he arrived later. ‘ Got your supper for you’ we said! Daughter 2 popped in and out in between work and rowing and coughing and buying  Nature’s Kitchen skinny flat white coffee for me!

So drips, and tv, and NICE nurses especially at night making me laugh and telling me anecdotes of the olden days. Did you know? they said, we used to do knitting at night! Now we have to be so busy looking after patients (novel) and when we are not busy we have to do online CPD. If we don’t, we get rude messages telling us we will not get paid….Wow I said …I better tell the teachers I know.

I was freezing cold one minute boiling the next. I had to answer stupid bloody questions…what allergies? loads…when did this start?…2009…I just handed them sheets of my notes hastily printed at home. Or maybe that was an old teaching plan? oh well same difference.  Objectives. Impacts. Immeasurability. Reflective journal ( what-a-load of bollocks). Monday I was wheeled off for a scan . They kept insisting I should have a full bladder but seeing as I waited from 9.00 am to 15.00 I kind of got pissed off ( literally…, bladder has no stop function you see!!). The radiology lady eventually turned up. Dragged me backwards on the wheelchair of joy. She wheeled me into the scanner room. Left me there in darkness .  I found myself staring at a be-anoraked little lady staring at a screen. She muttered away, ran out, ( what did I say?) came back with the radiology lady and then started the scan. She farted questions at me.  ( this is a word I have made up…it is from the  verb to start to fire) |You need a CT ? Do I ? errr?? Presumably Jerome is the judge of that? Where is your right kidney?  Why did you lose it? (silly me) Why could I not empty my bladder? Why did I have a bladder reconstruction….argghghg. Excuse me, I said….but who are you?  She muttered  Dr Baggageface...or some such and then told me to hold my breath. So I did…for ages and ages and ages until I simply could not hold it any more. …Pahhh buggered up her images.  So she Farted more questions, muttered about a CT  and scuttled out of the room…Jerome airport announcement style.  *DeBahzted. 

Whilst in hospital I rang to cancel a few things, not least my renal appointment. Annual check up on the 6th anniversary of losing , carelessly, the right kidney. The call handler told me that I would lose my place in the waiting list if I cancelled again. I am sorry, I said,I will try not to be in hospital, again. I got no response to that.

Uncle Montmerency rang today . His secretary had scheduled that for 17.15. He rang at 17.50. But he rang to say he was ringing in between patients,  and he had another patient now and so rang off. I get that I am low on his list too!! wow makes you feel like so very small and insignificant .

Then once I was home, I rang GP as instructed by hospital, to ask for potassium stuff which apparently I need.They rang back later insisting they needed  instructions in writing from Jerome.  So I told them not to worry I would eat bananas and tomatoes from Tesco instead. The Rottweiler actually laughed at that!!! Cow!

So now what? Dunno. I will see Jerome, if I ever get through to a human voice to make an appointment and he will I am sure come up with a plan or at least make me laugh. See previous blog for his airport announcements  .Indeed I think he laughed at the thought of Jeremy Hunt reading out questions from me online as I whiled away the bladder full afternoon!  Hunt is on again tomorrow . This time about kidneys. Shall I try to get on live again? Watch this space. Stay warm. Watch out for snow .