31 years ago on a windy damp Saturday in East Sussex a horse drawn carriage bore my Dad and I up to my old school chapel. The horses took exception to the cobbled driveway or was it the ghostly ‘wimpole’ that mysteriously appeared at the window? Whatever, the horses reversed rapidly back into Mayfield high street. Dad and I clutching each other for dear life and wondering if we’d perhaps overdone the Dutch courage! The ghost of Sister Cornelia Connolly ( Corny Con) ….. watched our every school girl moment…even the strawberry midnight feasts. Strawberries donated by heroic Father Flood. Hidden in the dormy floorboards….That’d sound dodgy nowadays. Was really ok. I think?

Somehow Dad and I made it to to the chapel, dishevelled, late, giggling stumbled up the aisle and the rest is wedded history. Whose idea were the bloody horses anyway?

Fast forward to today. It’s windy. It’s damp. We are off to Kent, so very near Mayfield, for the wedding of V and G. They are awesome. Both orphaned in recent years. We have been adopted. We are excited. We have hats, tails, something borrowed, blue, old, new and a sixpence for their shoes…Daughter 2 ( L), is bridesmaid and reader. #proud

No one will know that in the background I’m bunging in every bloody potion I can think of. Stupid me. My great plan to pay for train and consult with Dipstick last week. All 5 minutes of admiring his new bloody fan. That he couldn’t work. Then ‘pee and flee’. £195?

Just to get a culture.

Just to get the right antibiotics.

Stupid me.

Long story.

Short version.

Rang his office Tuesday i.e. 5 DAYS later.

Office: yes your result is here but have you discussed it with a doctor?

Me: No, that is why I am ringing. Please could you send me the result.

Office: you need to come to see a doctor to discuss the result.

Me: really? To London? Why? When?

This ridiculousness has gone on all week.

Friday
I still don’t have result. 12:00pm Dipstick apparently wanted to speak to me yesterday….so? HELLO. I’m here. DO RING. I’m waiting…

When a Doctor says ‘ I’m going to ring you’ …so you keep phone on, grab it every time it murmurs, especially if the caller id is ‘ unknown ‘

But actually they mean: I’m never going to ring you EVER.
It’s more fun to imagine the patient worrying they’ve missed a call. Ringing back to find out she has missed a call. But that now he’s ‘ unavailable ‘. Frrrrfrfffffff. But even poor Jerome did that this week. He promised to tell me what was happening with dumb arse youngster on a project we are supposed to be doing. But that’s for another day. Jerome gets excused on account of sending text apology. That’s ok. Just saying.

So back to Dip.I get the message…please go away. Ok ok. I will. I get the message.

Then around 4pm
someone rang saying Dipstick wanted to send a prescription. Great.

But office didn’t know my chemist.

That is CRAP. I’ve had the same scary chemist since this whole effing nightmare started in 2009 and they know it.

I calmly gave the name etc. I was polite HONEST.

5:00 pm
phone rings again. We have rung the chemist they don’t have the stuff . Office now closed. So that’s that then.

I don’t even know what the ‘ stuff’ is. Maybe Dipstick could tell me. Maybe I have it already. Maybe my GP will help. But why would that matter. Who bloody cares. Bladder and kidney are doing wonderfully crystalline boomerang firework impressions . Could be a wow at the weekend. I’ll think of something. Don’t worry.

PS made it to a bit of the wedding week of my student. Amazing colourful crazy chaos …most of all…HAPPY. So many hugs, women, hand shakes, men, was I made so very welcome. I’ll tell that in another story. It’s a long story…involving taking daughter 1 to hospital too…as you do…don’t worry all ok. I’ll explain. Just need a few more hours in the day or days in the hours. Or some sleep. Yes sleep that’d help. Arghhhhh.