To quote Jerome, this week has been utterly bonkers. I am guessing he has dissolved into a cocktail of bonkerations, so quiet has he been.  I started and was going to finish a blog on Thursday . But thanks to the little ****ers who broke into the flat our youngest two live in, things got a bit more bonkers. So for now, here is a flavour…

Wednesday:  I was up at crack of dawn. Packed. Power dressed. Well, work shirt and jacket type power! Dog done. Early train ( sitting in the luggage rack as usual). Made it after a crazy tube situation to ever so serious guideline meeting in the Mall. as you do. On my very best behaviour, no jokes, serious face. Half way through the first presentation I looked down at my shirt…it was inside out! So much for the power dress thing! . OMG.

Waited for the coffee interval, casual as I could, slipped away to the toilets for a tidy up!

…long day there, then over to an anonymous hotel somewhere in Regents Park for a power nap and change of clothes . ( the right way round).

Thank goodness I set 3 alarms, struggled to wake up and sort myself out…

I was the  pre-dinner speaker at a Continence Live event.  The guests were clinicians from UK.  I did tell them a few serious bits. Then I moved onto the story of falling into the Triathalon lake.  ( Edelweiss) In fact I did a whole simulation. I asked one of the Directors to assist me as I removed a bunch of flowers from a large glass vase.  It was full of water, part of hotel decor. My able assistant then had to dunk a continence pad into the vase. At the same time, I distributed a few pads on sundry tables, and asked guests to slowly pour water over them.  Whilst all this was happening I told my story of the rescue boat taking me back to the athletes podium and my attempts to regain access to our room ( see previous post).  At the very end of the story I asked all the volunteers to hold up the pads ( or take out of the vase).  This I explained to rising giggles was exactly like the incident in the lake.  It looked and felt like a blooming lifeboat between my frigging legs.  I got so many laughs! The poor waiters looked distinctly nervous.

Serious point. Rationing pads does not make any sense. 3 pads a day is not enough. You cannot expect for example, a leaking gentlemen newly discharged after prostectomy, to sit in a soggy, wet, jelly, life-raft type pad all day… That is simply unfair. Quality of life, dignity, confidence and the rest.

I also told the real true story of my local CCG and their ‘Research’:
‘ catheter users stay at home 60- 100%’ of time. **##££&&&&&noooooo
‘Disposable catheters are a fashion accessory’ ‘ like a rolls Royce …we cannot all have those’   ****””””:::###FFS
Thursday: I made my way to a hospital appointment.  So there I was lingering in a waiting room. This is when I started the blog. It started like this:

>Nurse – with – the – power was refusing to give out MSU pots until and unless the Consultant said so…ie after consultation. One poor man, wriggling away finally announced he was about to wet his pants. She relented, gave him his pot and a PAPER BAG TO PUT IT IN,  so that no one would know? Cor that is real power. ….such a heady feeling I am sure.
>> Meanwhile  I  had brought my own test tube, I’m an old timer, been in this stupid situation before……I had been gifted said test tube, by my GP. He knows how to avoid his Rottweiler receptionist who also has the POWER to refuse FFS. With the burbling of yet another bloomin uti, I knew dam well I needed in fact would insist on an msu being sent. ….

The, nurse- with -the -Power, offered me a paper bag in which, to hide my test tube. I said:  I’d hate to waste it!

She was  not amused.

I did not care. We were all there for pee issues. Putting a test tube in a paper bag does not really make any sense at all.
>> Receptionist -with-the – chewing – gum smirked, and chewed more loudly….
>> Then I decided to ask if the bloody loud TV in the waiting room could go on silent. We’d heard the news 6 times , we all now knew the  intricacies of  BrexitDupedWorld….headaches were beginning to descend…

I will add more later….not least the ever lasting tale of the no appointment yet with Dipstick…!