It has been a weird week.

 

After seeing Dipstick last week ( see patience)*  the pulsing frequency of the bladder implant known as SNS reached unbelievable levels. Hot pain radiating down hip and right leg…even twitching toes. I had to turn the whole thing down gradually and then off. The positive of that was that it proved an excellent distraction to the ever-growing bug situation. By the end of the long bank holiday weekend swallowing paracetamol downing copious litres of water and shivering with cold despite the 27’ outside, somehow made it. Tried to act normal, got odd looks as I wore my fleece outside but got away with it somehow.

 

Tuesday dawned bright and warm. Early train to London to see God of All Cool Consultants YES  (GOCCY).  Most  surgeons think they are the best – this one KNOWS he is the best. I kid you not he told me that ages ago.

Cleverly I had worked out how to get the rep for the bladder implant  (SNS)   to turn up at his clinic, having failed spectacularly to get her to Dipstick’s last week.. Made it on time sat on the luggage rack of the early train! Rep turned up soon after me. This was all going so well.

Saw ‘GOCcy’. He was on dapper form full of jokes and smiles. Wrote his  inky update on medical bits whilst the rep fiddled with the SNS paddles. That’s Bionic for you. What was that film …Jason Bourne? Where he has the secret code embedded in his hip. or CIA chip in his arm. err maybe that was another film. 

The next bit of conversation went like this:

Rep: err who reset your SNS?

Me: err….a.n.other consultant

( GOC looked up then penned some rapid notes once more)

Rep: When?

Me: errr last week

Rep: So the negative probe is centred on the battery implant near your hip. That is the wrong place. That would cause a lot of pain and probably heat.

Me: Ah. That would explain a lot .  he did say he was not sure.

My o level physics taught me that positives negatives complete circuit light bulbs etc. So seemingly poor old Dipstick had managed a spectacular short circuit implosion.

She reset it. I thanked her. GOC agreed to my suggestions: MSU I said, need today. Anitibiotic I said.  prescription for. OK he said. .  and I escaped…well nearly.

There was some confusion about where the infamous ‘msu’ forms and pots and toilets and and ..for that were to be found. An hour later having been up and down the stairs 4 times, I had produced said ‘sample’.

Feeling a bit hot and clammy….I tried to make the great escape. Made it to within 10m of the exit door but  …next thing I know Goccy and his nurses were flapping around. Suggesting ambulances to AandE or admission to his hospital there. Seems I had a bit of a lie down at the entrance door, bugger.

Decisions made I was whisked off to an actually really nice room. Bed, DUVET!! and being looked after by possibly the nicest kindest on call doctors and nurses you can imagine. Some knew me of old, and greeted me with such sympathy I nearly cried.

Freezing cold but sweating, pain like everywhere, I was made comfortable assured I would ‘soon be home’ and slept the rest of the day away. Massive antibiotic Gent injected quickly into muscle in my leg…. Drips up. Painkillers in. Floated off to beaches in the sky. Er? News travels fast. Bestest of visitors arrived with prosecco which they drank ( I could not  face that), cheer  and chatter.  GOC popped in next day. All jolly. Demanding my blood test results, urine culture and diagnosis. I had to  weakly admit to him I simply had none of the information he required!

So , he suggested I go home! I told him I thought some more Gent would be good. He agreed. I suggested a course of antibiotics might be good. He agreed. 4 seconds later he was gone…with wonderful worried staff rushing in to find he’d disappeared in a puff of …?  So that’s we did. Home I went. Nurses nervously telling me to come straight back at the slightest thing.  D sorted chocs for staff, cab and train for us. ( we left the prosecco bottle …in the luggage rack !)

Friday, I persuaded the hospital to release my various results. They ended up on the desk of Jerome’s secretary. The hospital could only post them not email them .T hey could however fax them. I had scrambled in my bag for a fax number. The first I found, was the Urology centre where Jerome is based. Honestly I think I could have given them any old fax number. Anyhow, results I now have, thanks to awesome secretary of Jerome. GOC has been sent them by her too. Now what? God alone knows…or GOC. But it seems he has been Boari Bugged. His secretary said he would ring me. But has he hell? No. Meanwhile Dr Vodka-V . Dr Awesome Allergy-J and  Surgeon Jerome himself, have sent brilliant amusing and indeed helpful emails to try to keep me on antibiotics with or without effing nightmare rash blisters and bubbles erupting down my arms neck …………Photos of which appear to have gummed up their inboxes. ooops.  Hey ho. It’s the weekend so sun and a new pizza oven to try outside. Good job the son -in- law can assemble a flatpack in minutes.

 

Have a good one. More next week.