I had appointment with Dipstick today. Of course he was running late. But he actually got my name right.  Wow. 

I tried to skate over the mysterious big wave wipe out which occured last week in Cornwall. I said I was swimming. True. I said I ‘might’ have banged my back. True. Maybe possibly I knocked my bladder implant battery. Errr. 

I explained I had to turn it off as it seemed to be stimulating my toes and shoulder not my bladder! Odd that….Eek… He stared at me. Asked to see the ( considerable) bruising.
‘ I don’t understand how you did that’  he said
Well, of course I fessed up. Swimming, body boarding, waves, Cornwall…..I can’t run any more but swimming, I can do. Sea or lake. With a wet suit. A guilty pleasure​. It’s so effing cold any pain dissolves. Bruises are self iced and the odd escaping bladder just keeps some warmth…..
He laughed …’ I’m not sure who is the bigger kid you or me ‘ 
So now as I write I am waiting for a scan, will get the implant checked out next week with the rep and we kind of devised a plan, parting as quite jolly friends, for once. 

Using Excellent descriptors such as ‘ crap’ infections, ‘eff all ‘ and mention of some whacky Doctor who gives his patients crystal ….meth? Did I mishear that? Suggested I go see this person for a chat. No evidence base but huge customer satisfaction loyalty etc despite suspension from Trust. mmmm
I think I need to ask Jerome. Not sure crystals are my thing really. 

I’ve sunk a litre of water. Waiting for scan. Great thing about dysfunctional bladder is that I cannot feel a litre sloshing about. Lucky me. There’s a positive in aeverything.