BoariJ

Trolley Dolly

  • Late night. Batty B is on duty tonight. Last iv of the day going in late…trolley capsized in the corridor outside, earlier, so taken awhile to restore order! Trying to stay awake so writing this my diary for the week. Nearly midnight…stay awake very awake.
  • It’s like one flew over the cuckoo’s nest . New patients arrive relatively sane and end up institutionalised stark raving bonkers. And The game plan…..
  • Consultant asks me what I’d like to do
  • Consultant tells me he has no idea what he’s doing
  • Consultant acts surprised when I suggest perhaps he’s the expert
  • Consultant asks me if he can miss Saturday ward round
  • Consultant suggests major surgery…is the only thing left to do. Then, says ‘ but I cannot talk about that now’
  • He tells me it’s hopeless I’m ‘colonised’, whatever that means. To his credit he doesn’t bat an eyelid when I petulantly declare’so it’s all my fault then’
  • He has another go:
  • Dip: Do you think the ABX is working…me:yes
    Dip:Apparently need to be on this for5-7 days …
    Dip:What do youthink…me:I haven’t a clue how on earth….
    Dip: Look, you will always have bacteria in urine,so culture will always show bacteria, so using ABx means you are resistant
    …me: so why are we using ABx ?… because you were ‘ miserable’ …me:so it IS my fault …(petulant-!)
    Dip: No no you misunderstand…
  • Get my drift ? It’s all a bit crackers in here.
  • Oh and the biggest cuckoo of all just flew into the White House
  • Jerome? Yes yes of course he is in fact Urological Surgeon himself. And? yes Dipstick asked him to step in, interrupt his own schedule and
  • pop in to see me ( phew says me bugger says poor Jerome )
  • Ok ok I’m losing it but here’s an extract of some of the chatter on WhatsApp
  • I’ve been chatting on WhatsApp…so…
  • USA APOCALYPSE DAY – WEDNESDAY :
  • [09/11, 10:04] M: Jyou’re not playing the hospital menu game properly….you’re supposed to decide what you’re having and then we have to guess. Much more fun!! H and I have played it for years.
  • Dawn breaks over brave new world and in a certain LONDON hospital…….THURSDAY( menu attached)
  • 10/11, 09:28] L : I don’t see the bollocks cheese and Brussels sprouts option. It has obviously been too popular.
  • [10/11, 09:29] S : Or not enough bollocks ops yesterday …
  • [10/11, 09:29] M: It’s been replaced by meat and two veg 😉
  • [10/11, 09:30] L : Mxxx!!! Incorrigible.
  • [10/11, 09:30] S : Cheeky 😊
  • [10/11, 09:32] Ma: Never miss 3 days of what’s app!!
  • You guys are on it !!! Hysterical
  • J the doctors must wonder you are grinning at meal times!!
  • [10/11, 09:56] M: J, if you’re still in tomorrow afternoon and are up for a visit, I could pop in on my way to the retirement bash (I’ll need livening up before it!!)?
  • [10/11, 10:07] J: M : definitely YES please. I’ll be able to tell you if I’m here after Dipstick surgeon visits. He was due before 8:00am so nurses and I running a bet . I’m saying 5pm! for 30 seconds. On the nose. Each way…..nurse1 says 2:00pm for 1 minute.
  • I really really would like a shower.
  • [10/11, 10:08] S ): Is Dipstick surgeon same as testicular surgeon?!
  • [10/11, 10:09] Ma: My eyes are watering now….
  • [10/11, 10:15] J: Dipstick funnily enough is Urological Surgeon …so put in mind meat and two veg for male patients… I cite ( Mel, 2016
  • I really really would like a shower.
  • [10/11, 10:22] J: ‘ library trolley’ has just been. Terribly posh ladies ( military wives)
    Lid – less

    asking what genre I’d like. ( I managed to avoid saying something about Trump blueberry waffle ). Meanwhile the sink I blocked with my tooth paste lid is being sorted by the plumbing department. Not to be confused with urological plumbing bags leaking blocking arghhh…

  • he poor man has been living in my wardrobe since yesterd. That is where the access hatch is. I hoped my snoring last night didn’t disturb him… he grinned at the suggestion….So now picture the ‘ library trolley’ two librarians, my bags, coat etc emptied onto bed. Coffee lady arrives and bundles into room too.
  • All going well until the plumber emerges from the cupboard. They jump with shock and I cry with laughter.
  • [10/11, 10:23] Ma: Where is Julie Walters when you want her
  • She will want you as her double act J
  • [10/11, 10:24] J: Bugger plumber has just gone for his ‘tea break’ bet Jeremy Hunt has that in his contract. Thou shalt take tea break a lot
  • I really really would like a shower.
  • [10/11, 10:27] M: It really does sound like Carry On Doctor!! Wouldn’t you just love it if Kenner Williams bounded in too? Just update later J. Of course I would need to put in my afternoon tea choices ahead of time……
  • [10/11, 10:30] S : Thank you so much for going in to hospital J, it had given us endless entertainment. I’m off to work now, but look forward to catching up on the day’s events when I finish!! Enjoy your meat and two veg!!! X

Moved rooms in the end …my worldly goods unceremoniously dumped into bed and moved lock stock and dripstand. took awhile to restore order in the OCD style I prefer. Immediately thwarted by sulky Sal. Nurse of the day. Left catheter on open…good flood… squeamish visitor A, took one look and very nearly left.c lutching… delicious SELECTIVE raspberries.
Im still awake. There’s a fire engine outside and Batty B gone AWOL…wwhat on earth has she done now?