9 April 2011

My oh my, how time flies….

January and February disappeared in a fog of anaesthesia and painkillers. Short haul flight

15 saw the introduction of a double stent to replace the single stent of January’s big ‘do’.

This was ClubWorld at its best ‘the flexibility to sleep, work or relax so you arrive refreshed

and ready for the day /night ahead featuring the world’s fully flat bed?!

End of March was short haul flight 16. This was more Club Europe than First Class, seclusion

and space, guaranteed window seat and comfortable contoured flat bed, in appreciation of

the need to sleep the night flight offers an express service so that the main meal can be

started as soon as possible. HUGE flat screen tv with 24 hour movie service…oops think that

had to go on the bill. Same evaporating paper knickers though…. wahey! In transit –

removal of stents and check out the engines. However, it would be strange to let another

month go by without a new adventure from a new airport type setting? You think I’m

joking?…

News update supplied by the ‘Daily Stent’

My poor friends family neighbours and medical fraternity must be wondering how to

unsubscribe from this saga. Sooooo now I am ‘stentless’ once more

the London surgeons decided I needed to see a third London surgeon. This time a spinal one

as they could not believe their amazingly brilliant carving up in January/February could be

causing the level of pain now ensuing. So guess what? Another surgeon. Another hospital.

Another zillion radiation images. Another admission form…the tiny space allowed for ‘Please

list any previous operations’ made me giggle ….I left it blank!

Oh surprise surprise?   My spine does indeed have a minor tear, disc damage and some

other old age degeneration probably speeded up by 16 operations. It’s not a major but in

order to try to bring this to a swift conclusion…. Wait for it…. Let’s have general anaesthetic

17…. so that surgeon No 3 can inject some amazingly brilliant substance into my back and

with any luck that will work for 5/6 weeks he unsmilingly told me. (He was not impressed

with my admission form omission). Then we can try injecting some dye – a discogram, Chris

Moyles springs to mind. If that hurts a lot, he grinned, then we’ll know the diagnosis is

correct. He smirked even more as he asked me to sign the consent form ‘you’ll be familiar

with these’ he chortled. Hah.  In my haste to run/limp out onto the Finchley Road clutching

my bagels and screaming my head off, I did not enquire as to What? Why? When? and Then

what? I’ll save that til Thursday, my sister’s birthday, when all this will happen at a very posh

hospital in St Johns Wood. Credit card has already taken a hit, now that BUPA has, for the

second year running, gone over the meter. It offers ‘exceptional comfort and refined

surroundings from the moment you check in to the moment you land at your destination. It

delivers all your essentials in a seamless, exemplary and quintessentially British(airways)

manner…..’ I’m sure I missed her birthday last year too, cannot think why. However, lovely

bagels in the shop by Barclays Bank by the way. Lovely coffee shop next to that. Poshest

ever Oxfam shop round the corner from there – I thought it was Foyles bookshop- there are

armchairs to browse the huge book department (£2ish/book).

Oh good news the kidneys are not obstructed. Whoopeedo. So why the hell the right one

explodes like a smashed glass from time to time, must just be ‘normal’ surely EVERYONE

gets that? Don’t you? Had a glass of fizzy wine to celebrate that milestone last night, then

regretted it when the kidney did its firework impression. Oh such fun.

Grand National today. I’ve given George £2 to place on a horse for me. I cannot find one

called Ureter, or Stent, or Kidney or Sauterne even, let alone Knickerless, however, there is

one called ‘Majestic Concorde’…that’s the one for me…always did fancy the world’s fastest

passenger jet. Perhaps one more supersonic flight will bring an end to this tale and I will

soon receive certificate of ‘airworthiness’ for a real flight to a real destination ….a little

champagne on a sundeck somewhere far away….

Brilliant as ever cards, emails, texts and letters thank you a zillion million times – bloomin

brilliant ….nearly time to hit that bar at St Pancras, I hope the waiter still recognises me.

Quotes-from-a-card :

‘Hope you feel better soon….I’m running out of get well cards (Mira).

‘Once you realise we are all mad, life starts to make sense’ (Minskip).