22 January 2011

Well here we are again from Kidney World.

This week saw the introduction of new flights from London.

Flight 12 and Flight 13. New executive lounge used by VIPs – too posh to be called lounge it

is a beautiful oak panelled room called the ‘library’ various pictures of Royals adorn the walls

and high shelves of dusty old tomes. I was looking for plaques of interest ‘the Queen peed

here’ ‘the  Duke left his appendix here’ but alas nothing of the sort.

The ground staff ‘porter’ carried my bag to my room explained that the unique personal

windows really open, own personal wardrobe, distinctive lighting system designed to

‘recreate the subtlety of natural light’ and the bathroom has a bath in it. Shock horror NO

remote control on the personal tv. NO complimentary shower and bath bits in the

bathroom- perhaps first class passengers don’t need to shower and bath? But luxurious

duvet for remote control flat bed. This might be first class but some bits are of course

standard fare… nurses call button, stiff sticky back plastic visitors chair (no one ever sits in

that, I think images of damp grannies in our past is sort of off-putting.)

Wonderful personal cabin crew. Proved useful to be friendly – she went and nicked a

remote control device from some other poor somnolent fellow passenger. Aha TV now

working.

Slip into wonderfully soft cotton navy operating gown, dressing gown and hermetically

sealed white slippers – all provided in a neat little British Airways type bag. Well this is First

class after all. Oh and far superior white flight stockings – individually measured fitted and

so so smooth.  Oops nearly forgot – knickers. Not sure if I mentioned it before but in flight

paper knickers are really all the rage. Indeed first class passengers, to my surprise, have

same shaped ‘derrière’ so same one-size-fits-all pair are provided. What happens to the

very large or indeed very small…? As for recycling – the mind boggles, well, I’m not going to

dwell on that !

So, on with flight 12 – anaesthetic to help you to drift off in comfort ‘more blissfully than

ever’, stent out, retrograde. Recovery room – oops ureter in spasm , morphine …. Here we

go again. Yes ureter has obstructed.

Back to room porter hits the cabinet in the hall with the bed-on-wheels. More morphine.

Whizz to radiology. Bit more morphine.

Next day ‘fresh’ airline pjs provided for flight 13- short haul, same operating theatre, light

anaesthetic, hole bored in back, kidney draining into lovely ‘bag’, ….. Oops pop some

pethidine in, oooops tap not closed on ‘the bag’, oops bit of a mess over recovery bed,

floor, blanket, you name it, we  got it, oops porter hits the same cabinet in the corridor the

bed judders  dramatically, but that’s flying for you.    Return to own lovely flat remote bed.

Personal Tv. Oxygen masks in full use as flight descends. Personalised meal tray – NO

plastic. Real knives, forks, cut glass, beautiful silver(?) iced water jug, everything a

passenger would need to feel at home.

As for the menu. Well none of that club class nonsense of 3 choices of 3 courses this First

class service has at least 5 courses coffee and chocolates extra, 20 or so choices for each

course to include SEA BASS, calves liver( avoided that – too near kidney for me, risotto,

Norwegian prawns ….. Trouble is, I felt a bit pathetic asking for soup and toast!

So onwards we go- Flight 14 next week – long haul, first class, back in ten days. seat

allocation on top deck – always wanted to try that.

Brilliant texts from so many people. My friends have been worrying about my new ‘kidney

bag’ delicately strapped to my leg. Gotta buy a new Gucci or that Smithsonian type handbag

thing to hide it in. The charming cabin crew man could pop out and pick one up for me.

Daniel will never know.

Dammit my passport needs renewing… Hope I scrape through control- I’ll tell them I can

cancel my flight til it all gets sorted ….

More soon- I’ll send a post card

Jacqx